Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Lots has been written, but some details have been missed.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Post-world problems that make me sick of this

Apocalypse

Everyone knows you have to hoard food

And when you encounter another you have to be rude

Or at least pretend until you can develop trust

Still, a sly thrust from behind and you're dust.

But the devil's in the details, and the details really suck

when the world's plunged into darkness and chaos runs amok

Now, I haven't quite figured out what it was that did it yet,

But, I have a list of grievances if I can reconnect to the internet,

Speaking of which, I don't mean to bitch

but this app on my phone where I write has a glitch.

Now it will never be fixed, I just have to deal with it

I know it sounds petty but it's really got me pissed.

My phone's trash anyways, I had an upgrade due soon

But I guess that contract is void in the face of certain doom.

That package I ordered online the other day?

Never coming, despite all that shipping that I paid.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Lots has been written, but some details have been missed.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Post-world problems that make me sick of this

Apocalypse

I thought it was a blessing to get out of my car payment,

but it ran out of gas and now it's dead on the pavement.

I'm craving foods I'll probably never eat again,

No Chinese, no teriyaki just burnt rat meat again.

I came across a dying man who told me through his tears

he was happy to be passing, he said we only had a couple years

before the world ran out of toilet paper and soap

and that the day after that, he said, out of hope.

As if he needed to add some weight to his comment,

he started clutching at his stomach, then projectile vomit.

Now he's gone and I'm left surviving in his stink.

Some got in my mouth, and there's nothing to drink.

My earbuds are broken, so I put them up my nose.

Between that and the smell, I'm now one of the weirdos

Wandering confused, only speaking in rhymes

At least they all agree when I say it's the end of times.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Lots has been written, but some details have been missed.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Post-world problems that make me sick of this

Apocalypse

There's a giant glowing purple thing on the horizon,

and it's clashing with every shirt anybody tries on.

And our shadows stay pointed west all through the day and night

so my picture window in my loft never catches any light.

The only Uber drivers left are literally brainless

Only good to get around if your destination's aimless.

Oh well, my Yoga class is probably disbanded

But there's nothing to do with this free time I've been handed

All the live streams are dead, and the radio only plays screams

Nothing but black to fill a world full of screens

Every single show that I watch is indefinitely suspended

There are better things to worry about than how they would've ended.

The capitol building is full of necromancers

but they're being really clique-y and not giving any answers

What brought us to this? I guess I'll never know

but -OW, GOD DAMMIT I JUST STUBBED MY TOE.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

Lots has been written, but some details have been missed.

Things they don't tell you about the Apocalypse

I'm so post-apocalypse that I'm done with this.