Complicated Reality

Nice and easy day

I'm feeling alert and rested

and I'm not stressing while I'm dressing

because I've not invested

any focus on the motions

of the words crawling on my screens

and I'm just starting to look

at what those headlines really mean

and it's obscene, reporters say

that it's the worst it's ever been

and I better pay attention

and I better tell my friends

and I better form opinions

in case they ask me questions

I'm barely dressed, and what a mess

the stress is so oppressing

I don't want to know the misery

I don't want to know the trauma

I know it's good to know

but if you're asking, I don't wanna!

I just need a minute

I just need to catch my breath

before another talking head

talks me half to death.

I am clenched!

But I'm not doing myself right

but holding on so tight

so I breathe in.. and I unclench.

On the clock, I know my role

my tasks are my domain

whenever there are questions

I'm happy to explain

I try to speak real plainly

work is not a place for rhyme

and I use the same vocabulary

that I used with you last time

you asked this question.

I thought the lesson

was written rather clear

and I can tell you mean your best

but it's mixed betwixt your ears

so listen here, and pay attention

It's true that I forgot to mention

this one detail, that's why we failed

but honestly this tension

wouldn't be here if you tried

a little harder to think it through

and apply the good advice

I deliver down to you!

I am clenched!

But I'm not helping anybody

holding tightness in my body

so I breath out.. and I unclench

I make a pretty picture

I write a pleasant poem

I dream about what it would take

to put one in your home

I wonder if the eyes that see me

see me clearly or if colors

mask the kind of person I am

underneath my careful cover.

If the feeling I express

in fractal graphs and verses

are secret windows to my soul

or just flashy diversions

And whether I deserve

the smiles that are meant for me

because I've done amazing things

but been lazy rather recently

and I can dream as big as trees

and wider than an island nation

but when I sit to tickle keys

I'm still lacking motivation

Regurgitating workflows,

copying myself,

frying trying to convert

expressions into wealth

Don't they see it? Don't they notice?

That I'm only pretending to be cool!

I'm still the dorky kid

who can't make friends outside of school.

I am clenched!

But I'm never going to grow

if I hold on to pain below

so I breathe deep.. and I unclench.

I'm a nervous person

I clench up quite a lot

my breathing is constricted

my stomach's tying knots

My eyes are carving lines

across the scene like laser scans

My knee is bouncing on it's own

and I'm rubbing both my hands

But I have plans for times like this

I've been building up some tools

so that when my mind is racing

I have another path to choose

I think through all my muscles

I ask each one to please release

I try to think of pushing air

to there as I slowly breathe

I tell my anxious thoughts

to watch their step within my mind

I grow flowers here with happy scents

that take me back to pleasant times

I sit in my inner garden

until the stress wanders away

and I can open up my eyes

and get on with my day.

I am unclenched.