What I Need

First they taught me just to breathe

even though life made me seethe

all that anger

it's so dangerous

a little air is all you need.


In between the rage and tears,

I tried to breathe away the fear.

I promise you, I tried.


Then they told me go outside

you're stuffed up when you hide inside

ignore the bees

and bullies

a little sun is what I need.


In between grass stains and sunburns,

I tried to sun-dry my sorrows.

I promise you, I tried.


Then they told me God could do it,

find a way and lead me to it.

The scripture is funny.

Before asking for money

they say a little grace is all you need.


In between the parables and the pews,

I tried to pray the pain away.

I promise you, in God's name, I tried.


Then they told me try a doc

whose meds made most my feelings stop.

Maybe tomorrow

it won't hurt to swallow,

a little pill is all you need.


In between the puke and the panic,

I tried to medicate the stress away.

I promise you, for too long, I tried.


Then they told me try some bud.

Try some drinks, try some drugs.

I was getting by

by getting high.

A little toke is all you need.


In between the coughing fits and ego death,

I tried to smoke the dread away.

I promise you, I tried.


Then I tried to take control

Meditated, met my soul.

Deep inside,

a garden thrives.

A little hope is all I need.


In between the art and the verse,

I tried to grow through the hurt.

I promise you, I grew.


Good intentions went so far

but still I suffered from the scars.

Stomach churning,

candle burning.

A little help is all I need


In between sleepless nights and sick days,

I asked for help with my illness.

It was hard, but I asked.


Again, they told me try some meds.

I told them how they hurt my head.

They insisted,

it could be different.

They'd help me find the help I need.


So in between the screaming fear and the rattling bottle,

I tried again to heal.

I promise you, I tried.


I can barely type the words.

It's working.

It just sounds absurd.

Steady head

rests well in bed.

Is this little pill just what I need?


In between the happy days and pleasant nights,

I try so hard to believe it.

I promise you, I try.


I hope you get to catch my smile

I hope it lasts for quite a while

I'm feeling great

but I hesitate

to be happy getting what I need.


So in between the confidence and charm,

if you see the shadow in my eyes.

I promise you, I'm trying.


Author's Note: It's still working!

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