Complicated Reality

Used to wonder if I could, 'til one day I tried.

Used to wonder if I meant it, 'til I found my pride.

Used to wonder if I'm good enough, 'til I saw the smiles.

Used to wonder if I had the range, 'til I wandered miles.

Used to wonder if I'd make it, 'til I made a lot of stuff.

Used to wonder if I'd survive, 'til I found I'm tough enough.

Used to wonder if I'd break apart and split right down the seems

until I opened up my heart and started spilling all my dreams.

I am used to wondering, it's most of what I do.

But these days the inner gaze has turned to something new.

I wonder "what" not "if", because "if" becomes a "'til"

when I offer to my wonder just a little bit of will.